You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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