I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
