tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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