you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My feet surprised me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
