Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
