She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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