Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
