I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
