If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
