then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You are a genius and a whore.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize