She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
