dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
