Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She's JV to your varsity
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
