Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
