i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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