we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize