She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
