Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
