He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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