is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
