He told me they were just razor bumps!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
