Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
