I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
