The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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