she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
