Im at strip club and am horny
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
