Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
