yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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