Can Purell be used as lube?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
