You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
