Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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