Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
