he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
