JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
