he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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