Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
