Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
