Just cropdusted the office
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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