dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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