I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
