Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
