It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize