just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
