so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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