Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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