just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
