I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you traded sex for a burrito?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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