time to smoke my breakfast
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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