it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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