JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize