I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
