i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
