Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
40s are totally the cure
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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