I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
