bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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