Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
