I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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