I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
