other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
As shirtless as possible
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This baby is an asshole
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
