I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
