we should wear snuggies to the strip club
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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