For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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