You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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