i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
