Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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