yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
