I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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