the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize