Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
