covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
