Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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