That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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