I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
