my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
