every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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