Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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