The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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