no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
