Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
NoShamevember. You game?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
