you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
as a side note pls kill me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
