ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
