wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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