Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
