Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
