piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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