saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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