do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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