Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
