You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
