An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize