Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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