He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
