I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
