She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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