Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
